April 17, 2009

Day 17: Thinking about my core

The first time
I realized I'd lost it
was a couple of weeks
after my second baby was born
I needed to sneeze and anticipated
the pain
afraid the force of it would rip me in half
or else make me implode
indiscriminate thoughts
of my body failing
falling apart
to ruin
from there on out

I made the moment into a laugh
but it was heavy with
not knowing
what would happen to me
in weakness

A year or so later I had a physical exam
as part of a job interview
because there would be
light lifting
they asked me to do a sit-up
but I couldn't
without cheating

I have not been working on repair
building a center of strength
I have neglected all kinds of
attention to my core
successfully ignored plain needs

So last night
I flexed as I lay on my back in bed
just to see

lifted my legs, straightened and stiff
and my shoulders suspended above my pillow
felt it burn
this is it, it is mine
this shallow and slightly curved "v"

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